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MacGruber Season 1 Absolutely Rules, Here’s Why (Objective Fact Analysis)

Eleven years ago Will Forte and Lorne Michaels developed a feature film adaptation of the “MacGruber” sketches that frequented Saturday Night Live for years. Critics were split on the R-rated comedy, as it earned a 48% on Rotten Tomatoes with a 5.2/10 average score. But what do critics know? They hate everything. Unless I hate it. Then they love it (dicks). Audiences were likewise divided on MacGruber, although there wasn’t much division because nobody alive saw it in theaters. Okay, I’m sure somebody did. Just not you, because you hate fun, joy, and adaptations of sketches finding success. After a pitiful $4M opening weekend, it stalled out completely with an $8.5M total in North America. It was released in very few overseas markets, which resulted in an anemic $9.3M global total. Luckily, it only cost $10M to produce, but factoring in a decent marketing campaign it still came well short of breaking even (if it had made 3x its budget that would have been decent).

Fast forward to December 2021 and we have another adventure for MacGruber, complete with the return of not just Kristen Wiig (who featured prominently in the sketches and the film), but also Ryan Philippe, who was the proverbial “straight man” in the motion picture. Joining that trio as a regular on the show is Laurence Fishburne, who is even more of a legend for agreeing to do this. I suppose the man’s gotta eat, and the bastards at Warner Bros. didn’t cast him in The Matrix Resurrections. I kid. They’re not bastards. They’re rich bastards. At least he’s still in John Wick 4 (right Keanu?!).

I’ll cut to the chase here. I think this show rules. If you hated the movie, this show is not going to be for you. At all. But that kinda makes sense, right? Like they brought back the main cast and the director. Like, imagine expecting this show to bleep out all the swear words and develop a radically different tone that is suddenly appropriate for all ages. That would be wild! Maybe then your religious grandma who hates violence and swearing could watch this show about a character who bragged about ripping people’s throats out and then made love to his wife’s ghost in the 2010 film. Yeah, the math checks out on that. Also, don’t cry to me about spoilers. The movie came out over a decade ago and you ignored it then, so clearly you don’t care and have no soul. You’re just lucky I didn’t tell you that he pisses on the villain at the end.

Anyway, as you no doubt are aware of, the MacGruber character is (in part) a parody of MacGyver. The show is a direct sequel it the motion picture (I call it that because I’m smart) and starts off with a fun/ridiculous/wonderful recap by Maya Rudolph (reprising her character from the movie). The show then jumps ahead to present day. Presumably. I don’t know. Time is weird. The recap immediately signals that they’re still going to be as bulgar and as absurd as hell, all while keeping a straight face. Also, the opening title sequence delights by mimicking James Bond’s recent string of incredibly self-serious, overtly dramatic intros. It’s great. My only complaint is there is no saxophone. Do you play saxophone? This show could use you.

Why Does MacGruber Rule?

Because f*ck you. That’s why. Wait…stop. Remember way back…when I wrote, “Because f*ck you, that’s why” like a petulant child? I didn’t mean it. I just take anyone questioning my opinion as a personal attack on my honor and lash out irrationally as a result. Like a normal person. I’m calm now and prepared to provide you with adequate examples of why this show rules (a word you’re already sick of reading by now).

MacGruber RULES for the following reasons:

1) Because I said so, you annoying shitweed.

2) See above.

3) Kristen Wiig was in Barb and Star Go To Vista Del Mar, which is a great movie.

4) Jesus, how many reasons do you need? I said it’s good, isn’t that enough? Get off my case for fuck’s sake. I have a life. Do you think I just sit around thinking about MacGruber all day? I don’t okay. Anybody who tells you otherwise is probably a drug dealer. A bad one. Who sells drugs. Bad ones. Like crank (crack? No crank. Wait…coke? Probably coke).

5) I know you think I’m crazy you piece of shit, and I just want you to know I’ll find out where you live and throw water balloons filled with human urine on your windows and front door. The returning cast, Fishburne, and the fun lineup of guest stars play everything with an earnest dry humor while the most absurd things happen. If that sounds like fun, you’ll dig this show.

Things That DIDN’T RULE In MacGruber:

1) There was no saxophone in the opening titles. That’s total bullshit. There was a saxophone in the opening titles of the movie. Like what are we doing if we can’t have consistency? Are they trying to ruin my childhood? It feels like they’re trying to ruin my childhood.

2) People on Twitter were theorizing that Luke Skywalker’s clone would show up to help MacGruber kill a bunch of Gremlins in episode 4. When that didn’t happen I lost my god-damned mind. I threw a picture frame through my kitchen window. I kicked my cat across the room. I ripped my calendar into microscopic pieces (next year’s calendar, that’s how pissed I was).

3) Where was Spider-Man? Like, WHERE THE HELL WAS PETER PARKER. Any version of him. There’s so many. They’ve made forty-six Spider-Man movies and they couldn’t put one of them in MacGruber? Why does Peacock have the first Tobey Maguire movie on their app if they weren’t planning a crossover? The thumbnails were even side by side one time! What’s the point of putting that idea in my head if they can’t deliver? Meet my expectations or go work at Burger King, you despicable amateurs.

4) I thought Billy Zane had hair. He did in Titanic. Was that a wig (not Kristen Wiig)? Time doesn’t make sense because streaming has content from like, a bunch of different years. But I watched Titanic yesterday and when Billy Zane appeared with like, no hair in this show it freaked me out. That felt icky and they need to fix that.

5) I drank a gallon of water during the first two episodes and had to pause episode three to take the longest piss of my life. This interruption greatly hindered my enjoyment of the show. This is Peacock’s fault and I want a refund for this month’s premium subscription.

Alright, cool. I just reviewed MacGruber. You just read it. You’re welcome. Go change the world. Or watch MacGruber. No matter what you do, just remember to tweet #JusticeForLarryFishburne

P.S. Send all complaints about my opinions and writing style to our managing editor. She lives at the North Pole and goes by her maiden name, Cassanta Claus.

Her email is: cassanta@weseeyouscrolling.hohoho

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